askastudent announcement

Britney, shoulder pads, vampires, Askastudent… (we’re back)

Dear askers, commenters, and occasional voyeurs,

 

While askastudent may be criticized (by idiots) for being insensitive, offensive, and self-indulgent, no one has ever questioned its honesty. In keeping with this reputation, I am letting everyone know that the beloved Aska that you have grown to love/hate over the past year has gone into retirement, and a new incarnation (me) has been born. Well, that’s sort of a lie, I have been re-born. Plucked, once again, from the cesspool of mortals, and elevated to demi-god status to help you.

 

Now, besides that lie about wanting to be honest with you, I am primarily letting you know about Aska’s rebirth so that I can lay down a few ground rules. ?

 

a) There are literally 71 unanswered queries staring Aska in the face. Do you have any idea what that feels like? So, while my fingers are carpel-tunnelling, PLEASE do not resend formerly asked questions. And don’t try to be tricky and reword the beginning to dupe me into reading it all. Just be patient.

 

b) I cannot think of ANY reason for someone (i.e. grade eleven students) to send me their high school grades. Aska has addressed this on multiple occasions. It’s creepy, it’s obnoxious, and it’s pointless. Next time it happens, I will take sick pleasure in ignoring your question and making fun of everything I can glean from your submission. Sound fun?

 

c) Before asking something that is potentially universal, try searching the archives for existing posts. At the very least it will help you to better articulate your question.

 

d) I’ve actually read all 71 questions, and let me tell you askers: these submissions are seriously lacking character. Anonymity does not preclude personality. So, spice it up!!! If the content of your question is a little dull, try these tricks.

 

-insert ?fun’ punctuation ?- but those ridiculous sideways smiley face combos won’t win me over

-capitalize LOUD words – like HELP or ?ECSTATIC or PREREQUISITE?

-use descriptive adjectives and adverbs- esp. to describe your dire emotional state – like shameless weeping

-use similes and metaphors – like cool as a cucumber, or quiet as a church mouse ??

-give us some back story

-compliment me

 

Alright, dear readers. Stay tuned. This keyboard is about to get ugly…

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